A Great Collection of Nonsense From a South Of The Border Guy

Archive for May, 2009|Monthly archive page

My cell is bigger than yours [Macho Technology]

In From other latitudes on May 28, 2009 at 9:47 am

As you may know, and if you don’t I tell you now, latinamericans and their Macho culture have a tremendous obsession with sizes. in particular with that. Yeah, “the member”. The macho companion.

So tremendous and so obsessive that they have invented hundreds of different names and connotations for it. A particular name for it that looks to be very spread in the region is “Verga” So when someone talks about the “verga” is talking about it. And not in a very educated way, if I may.

Hugo's Dick Phone!

Hugo's Dick Phone!

So if something is awful it can be a “verga”. “Esa cosa es una verga!” (That thing is shit!)

But if it’s really good… it can also be a “verga”. “Mira que verga!” (Look how cool this thing is!)

And of course, you can compare “vergas” . What would be of the Macho life ifmy verga isn’t bigger than yours… right? I guess this happens in every culture anyways.

Now, our good friend Chavez has taken the “verga” to the technlogy world and created the “Vergatario” A venezuela made cellphone that is so good that is a “verga” But a very cool, socialist, anti USA “verga”.

What a dickhead!

Maria, a story – Part IV and Last “Get out and do your homework”

In From other latitudes on May 25, 2009 at 12:50 pm

So Maria found in Montreal a good place to live, a good place to ask for refuge, a good place to work “under the table” and a good place to find love. She got married with a pretty canadian lady and, with her new couple, awaited her hearing.

When the day arrived, she had to defend her case in front of a Judge and convence him on why she deserved the category of refugee, what were the problems she faced back at home, why her life was in danger and every single detail the Justice needs to listen.  An so she did. And so did the Justice.

They sent Maria back home 30 days after the trial. Now she is living separated from her wife and is doing the paperwork to come back to Canada sponsored by her counterpart. After lots of time, stress and tax payers money Maria has to do all the paperwork the right way. The same way she could have chosen the first time.

Maria, a story – Part III “In the meantime…”

In From other latitudes on May 21, 2009 at 9:04 am

So our south of the border friend finally managed herself to get to Montreal and claim refuge and welfare. In that way, she as able to stay in Canada until the authorities review her claim and, with the welfare, she was able to have some money to survive.

Pic by delphaber (Flickr)

Pic by delphaber (Flickr)

But in the meantime, and until she had to defend her case against the authorities, she looked for a job… But wait… A job? Wasn’t she in the welfare? Yes, she was in the welfare but who says that money is enough? And who says you cannot take an under the table job to complement the income? Eh?

It was not easy and what she found was not great… Who was going to accept in the payroll a south of the border refuge claimer with a welfare income? Just those wanting to abuse the system: long hours, low pay jobs… or long hours I pay you whenever I can/want… Cleaning, manufacturing jobs… not more than that. Hard times for a well raised girl from south of the border.

At least she had known a Canadian soul mate in Montreal who was willing to be her partner in life… Not everything can be that bad!

Maria, a story – Part II “Because I can!”

In From other latitudes on May 19, 2009 at 9:30 am

So after Maria’s sister got beaten up by some neighbour, she got encarcelated by police just by kissing another girl and so many other things we may imagine but don’t know, Maria decided to escape her south of the border village.

As many other people she knew, Canada was the first option. There were many reasons but the main one was “Because I can” Because she can reserve a hotel room in Montreal over the phone, because she can buy a round trip ticket, becuase she can demonstrate she goes as a tourist… and because after all that, once in Montreal… she can claim for refuge. Or can’t she?

So she didi all that, got to the Trudeau Airport, said she was coming on vacation and, a few days after that, she just went into an office in downtown Montreral and claimed for refuge…. and welfare a few hours later. Just because she can and the system allows her to do it.

This seems to be a very generous country.

Maria, a story – Part I “I have to get the hell outta here!”

In From other latitudes on May 14, 2009 at 8:07 am

I chose Maria just because is the stereotyped name of choice. Her name is not maria, is another one but it does not matter. It can be a history of many other people around the world.

I’ve been exchanging some emails with a reader in the last few weeks. There, she let me know about her story, why she chose to leave her country, what happened to her in Canada, why she was deported back and… how is she trying to get back here.

Pic by by Vacacion (Flickr)

Pic by by Vacacion (Flickr)

As part of my almost daily English exercise with this blog I will write the history of Maria. I hope you find it interesting. More after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome little geese!

In From Everyday Life on May 11, 2009 at 9:44 am

I think I’ve talked about this… May be it’s me, a city boy, borned and raised in the big city… But I’ve always found the natural life in the cities I lived in Canada really amazing. Geese, ducks, cardinals, hawks, hares and all the others i see almsot every day and don’t remember the names now. So every year, when the geese fly away and acome back I found their cycle pretty interesting.

The fact is that by end of March they came back and, by the beggining of April, a couple decided to use a section fo the parking lot for their nest. They’ve been there day and night, with cold and hot weather, with rain and sun… I’ve only seen them away from the nest once.

Best possible spot? This guys like busy areas!

Best possible spot? This guys like busy areas!

So today, when I arrived to the office, I’ve observed the whole family was there, in the grass, eating and shitting (as their lives will be for the next 7 months) and the nest was empty… They were born! I just wanted to welcome the geese from our office parking lot!

Keep your fingers crossed

In From Everyday Life on May 8, 2009 at 9:11 am

So it looks like she finally made it. Mrs. Tired Prop was asked for her references and sent a lot of papers to sign and so on. The references were already contacted so I guess all we can hope now is them to be nice with the lady so she can get an offer from this company.

Do you see how it works? When she went to the interview with a “I give a shit attitude”… she won! Fuck!

So, let’s keep yuir fingers crossed untill next week. I’ll let you know.

Pic by mape_s (Flickr)

Pic by mape_s (Flickr)

Happy Mother’s Day!

A Bunny Tail

In From Everyday Life on May 5, 2009 at 8:23 am

Last night, when I got home with the kids, we notice an animal in the basement window (actually “the hole” for the basement window… but does it have a name?) This time, it was a more pleasant animal than the rodent we had the last time and that panicked Mrs. Tired Prop. Ladies and Gentleman… Meet my new tenant… “Little Hare”

My new tenant

My new tenant

The poor guy may have fallen sometime yesterday and is scared to death… And he is so unlucky that he felt at a house where everyone has some prejudice on touching him. We are still planning how to make the guy get out of there… Any ideas? What do you do in these cases?

When you are your worst enemy

In From Everyday Life on May 4, 2009 at 10:54 am

So, Mrs. Tited prop finally lost her job (the Call Center moved to Montreal) and, despite her 7 or 8 job interviews in the las few weeks, she was not able to reeenter the work force.

We’ve been talking about this extensively with her, trying to disclose the reasons behind this. What I mean is that haviong 7 or 8 interviews is a good sign after all! Her CV and Cover Letter are well tailored, her credentiasl aren’t bad for what she is applying… so something is going bad at the interview… And it’s her!

conversation

Dialog is not working!

It looks like that at every interview she had she has been her worst enemy! She is getting so nervous and applying herself such a pressure that is ruining her best chances. I think you, as an interviewer, can detect that… And do not want a person in such a state specially if you need and assistant or administrative person that can work under pressure.

So… I’ll have to do something with thiss Layd. I bought her a book with advices on how to deal with face to face interviews. Let’s see how ity works.

Any advice you may have to deal with this?

Donelly KIA, if you breath they charge you!

In From Everyday Life on May 1, 2009 at 10:59 am

Today I went to Donelly KIA for the oil change in my van. A routine inspection that should have taken more than 40 minutes of my time and 50 dollars off my wallet.

As it usually happens with these guys, the service person calls me and tells me that the windshield washer things… those things that throw water to your windshield, were a little bit misaligned (which I already knew but was lazy to fix) and asked me if I wanted them to fix it.

Donelly KIA... Robbery in Kanata?

Donelly KIA... Robbery in Kanata?

As this is somethuing relatively easy to do I said yes! of course! Idiot! I was thinking that they were going to do it as a compliment thing! Ha! The f…ers charged me 23 dollars for it! I’m outraged!

So you know… next time you go to Donelluy KIA prepare to be robbed! They do not have any sense of “compliment” there… And if you plan to do the monument to the idiot, call me. I could be a good model.